


I'm Yours, Jacques

by ezekielftroses



Category: Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Other, bram is soft, bram yells at simon :-(, he forgets the emails, simon cries :-((, simon is foolish, they say i love you, two bros being gay and shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-10 17:25:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13506294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ezekielftroses/pseuds/ezekielftroses
Summary: “Hey, can I ask you something?”“You just did, bug.” Silence. “But go ahead.”“Why’d you call me, Jacques and then Simon? You know those mean the same thing, right? Or did you remember French is a Romance language and wanted to be extra sappy?”-or an au where simon and bram get into a fight and bram emails simon as blue to apologize but simon doesn't remember he set his own name as jacques





	I'm Yours, Jacques

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Spierfeld Cult on Twitter](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Spierfeld+Cult+on+Twitter).



> someone in one of my twitter gc spierfeld cult ™ suggested this au and i took one for the team and wrote ! enjoy, and please be nice i haven't written a story in like half a year

**_I’m Yours, Jacques_ **

 

“I don’t have to like your stupid friends, Bram.”

“They aren’t stupid.”

“Fine. I don’t have to like your slightly below the average of intelligence friends.”

“ _Simon_.”

The blonde rolled his eyes, slamming his car door shut once he entered the passengers seat of Bram’s car. He couldn’t believe they were having this conversation after what Bram did.

“I don’t even know why you’re so mad,” he said, starting the car. “You eat lunch with them half the time.”

Simon scoffed, sitting up straighter in his seat — not that that was really possible — looking over at Bram. “Yeah. But lunch at school isn’t a fucking date.”

“I didn’t invite them to our date and they were barely sitting with us for more than two minutes.”

“Two minutes too fucking many!”

“Simon…”

“Don’t ‘Simon’ me, Abraham. They barged in on _our date_ and made condescending remarks towards me the whole fucking time! And you just sat there and let it happen!”

“No, I did not.”

“Yes, you did!”

Simon hadn’t even realized they were already parked in his drive way outside of his house. Bram had set the gear shift in “PARK”, turning to look at Simon with sad eyes. _Not the sad eyes_. The two just sat in silence staring at each other for what felt like hours. The longer they stared at each other, the less Simon got mad. He hated it.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Bram pouted his lip.

“Look at you like what?” His brown eyes shimmered. Simon thought he looked so cute he could kill him.

“Stop looking at me like at me like freakin’ whipped puppy. Your friends were asshole tonight and you’re still not saying anything about it.”

Bram dropped his pouting face with a sigh, shutting his eyes. He rubbed his face, looking back at his boyfriend who had his arms cross and an annoyed look on his face. This only made Bram crack a smile and Simon’s expression grew more in annoyance. Bram quickly dropped his smile.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I honestly didn’t notice they were making you feel stupid and small, and if I had, I would have said something.”

“You promise?”

“Hand to God,” Bram titled his head to meet Simon’s averted eyes. “C’mon, Si. I really am sorry.”

Bram unbuckled his seatbelt, leaning over and placing his hand underneath Simon’s chin. He lifted the blonde’s head so they were forced to look each other in the eyes. Simon bit down on his lip, holding his breath. Bram’s thumb softly rubbed the boy’s jaw line and he looked at him with eyes so warm Simon could practically feel the heat radiation off him. Or maybe it was the car’s heater he felt. He couldn’t exactly tell.

The silence in the car was comforting but terrifying at the same time. Bram’s eyes flickered between Simon’s eyes and his lips and not much longer was waited before he leant over and gave his boyfriend a soft kiss on the lips. It didn’t last long, but it’s all it took for Simon to let out a long sigh and for any anger he had felt to disappear. When Bram pulled back, Simon was grinning from ear to ear. Bram grinned back, tapping his nose.

A pink rushed over the blonde’s cheeks, throwing his hands over his face. His glasses were pushed over his hands and his hair off his forehead. Bram laughed, squeezing Simon’s bicep. Or lack of.

“You’re so cute.”

“I will kill you,” Simon mumbled, peaking at Bram through his fingers. “I’m imagining it right now.”

“Whatever you say, blush boy.” Simon smacked his arm, groaning as his blush got worse.

“It’s not a blush. Your stupid heater is on too high and my very pale skin cannot handle it.”

“You’re right. You pale folk are pathetic in the wonders of weather change. I wonder how you’ll survive during the apocalypse.”

Simon’s jaw dropped and he shoved Bram’s shoulder. “I can’t believe you just fucking said that to me. You’re the worst boyfriend I ever had.”

“First off, I’m the only boyfriend you’ve ever had.” Another smack on his arm. “As you’re the only boyfriend I ever had. And either way, you love me anyway.”

_You love me anyway._

Oh. God.

Simon scoffed, unbuckling his seatbelt. They never said the ‘L’ word before, so the racing pace of his heart freaked him out and. He needed to scream in his pillow and call Leah about it. Pecking Bram on the cheek, Simon gave him one more smile before saying goodbye. Bram smiled as he saw his boyfriend rushing to get inside, slipping on some ice as he ran.

~*~

Simon rested his head on Bram’s shoulder as he listened to Leah go on about how “bullshit” her algebra test was. Bram’s arm was lazily wrapped around Simon’s waist and he lightly brushed his fingers against Simon’s arm. It felt amazing.

Bram wasn’t the most affectionate guy publicly, which was completely okay with Simon. He didn’t exactly wanna have sex on the table of the school cafeteria either. Not that he was having any sex at all.

As Leah ranted on, Simon found himself just staring over at his boyfriend. He couldn’t believe he was able to say that. _Boyfriend_. That was a real thing he had. And while he was still in high school too. He never thought he’d ever get to utter those words, or thoughts rather. It all felt so amazing and fictional at the same time. And to make it all better, he was dating _the_ Bram Greenfeld. The cute, quite guy in his English class and on the soccer team with his best friend. The cute guy he makes nervous.

Even though they aren’t a couple of PDA, Simon shifted his head and pressed a kiss to Bram’s cheek. He knew Bram was blushing because his somewhat warm cheek became burning hot after Simon’s lips touched them. He looked down at the blonde boy with a smitten expression, grinning like a fool. Simon grinned back, taking his hand and playing with his fingers. And then a tater tot hit his nose.

“When you’re done oogling your pretty boyfriend, can I go back to talking?” Leah groaned. Simon pouted, resting his head back on Bram’s shoulder.

“He is pretty, isn’t he?” Bram pushed Simon’s hair off his forehead and gave it a quick peck.

“That’s you, honey.”

Simon felt his cheeks turn pink with heat from being called ‘honey’. _Fuck my pale skin._ Retreating into Bram, the blonde hid his face as Leah and Abby cooed and laughed.

“Aww, how _cute_.”

Simon’s grip on Bram’s hand tightened once he heard Alex’s voice. Of fucking course. He lifted his head to see the senior students to Bram and Nick’s soccer team smugly grinning at the two boys from across the table. Simon had to refrain from rolling his eyes back into his forehead at the sight of their faces.

“Hey guys,” Bram greeted, lifting his hand to wave at his ‘friends’. He wasn’t close with them like he was close with Garret, but he did spend a lot of his time with them. He might as well be nice to them.

“Hey, Greenfeld,” Alex turned to Simon, puckering his bottom lip. “Hi, _honey_.”

A rush of heat hit Simon’s face as he felt his face, neck and ears to red. Alex and Bram’s teammates snickered, bitting their lips to silence themselves when Bram sat up straighter. The blonde looked over at his boyfriend who still had yet to say something to his stupid teammates about the way they were talking to him. Simon jabbed his elbow into Bram’s side, narrowing his eyes.

Bram opened his mouth to speak, but was beat by Leah snapping at Alex, “Leave him alone, asshole.”

“Hey there, Leah,” Alex winked.

Leah scrunched her nose up in disgust, rolling her eyes, “I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”

Alex’s smug smile dropped, tossing his soccer ball around. “Whatever. Bitch.” He muttered under his breath. Leah opened her mouth to round on him for calling her that name but surprising, _Simon_ said something about it.

“Can you please do us all a favour and go the fuck away, Hendricks?” The table fell silent and everyone’s eyes were on him. It didn’t help his blush. “You don’t _ever_ get to talk to Leah like that. You understand?”

A wave of “ooo”’s fell from the boys around them and Simon had to refrain from rolling his eyes. What were they? Third graders? Alex slammed the soccer ball in his hand down on the lunch table, glaring at Simon. The two stared, waiting for the other to blink or look away. Simon really wanted Bram to step in and tell his teammates to back off. _Maybe he’s too busy ‘not noticing’,_ Simon thought.

Alex faked a lunge towards the two boys sitting, Simon flinching back with his eyes shut. The senior soccer team laughed at his skittish reaction, causing his stomach to twist. He was starting to feel the way he did when Martin outed him and random guys would lean forward like they were gonna kiss him before howling in his face with laughter and then calling him a name. Now he really wished Bram would open his fucking eyes and say something already.

Almost as if he could read his boyfriend’s mind, Bram opened his mouth beginning to tell his ‘friends’ to lay off Simon. “Alright, guys, that’s eno-“

But just as Bram began to speak, one of Alex’s stupid laces ‘accidentally’ opened their yogurt tube wrong, getting it all over Simon’s chin and shirt. The blonde’s jaw dropped in disbelief and he felt embarrassment wash over his face. Laughter began to ring in his ears and he felt frozen in his spot.

“Andrews! You missed!” One of the teammates Simon didn’t know shouted. “You know how much he likes the white stuff in his mouth, not on his clothes! Right, Greenfeld?”

“Guys,” Bram started.

 _Well too fucking late_ , Simon thought. Pushing Bram off of him, Simon rushed out of the cafeteria. He could hear Abby and Leah (he presumed) follow behind him but he really just wanted to be left alone. Rushing into the nearest bathroom, he began to wipe the yogurt stains off his shirt and jaw. Of course it had to be on the shirt Bram bought him. Of all the fucking shirts to have ruined.

Simon felt his throat getting tight and he kept blinking back his tears. He was _not_ gonna give those assholes the satisfaction of making him cry. But he also just really wanted to cry. The bathroom door soon busted open and he didn’t bother to turn around.

“Abby, this is the boy’s bathroom.”

“Si, are you okay?”

The blonde’s jaw clenched at the sound of Bram’s voice. “Gee, I don’t fucking know. You tell me,” he turned around to glare at his boyfriend. “I was just humiliated for the _second time_ in the last 48 hours by _your_ stupid teammates. My shirt is fucking ruined and sticky, and I have tears in my eyes, screaming at my boyfriend in a public school washroom like we’re on some stupid fucking teen drama because he couldn’t fucking tell his fucking prick friends to leave me alone!”

Simon’s chest was rapidly heaving, and he felt a few tears slip past his eyes on to his cheeks. Bram stared at him with a frown, walking over towards him. Simon stepped back, bumping into the sinks behind him. Bram’s frown deepened. He sighed, wiping away the tears that fell down his boyfriend’s face. Simon’s bottom lip quivered and he pushed Bram’s hand away. Bram’s heart twisted in guilt.

“Simon. I am so so sorry about what they said to you and what they did. I wanted to say something, I did, but-“

“Then why didn’t you?” The two boys stood in silence, staring at one another before Simon spoke again. “Every time your friends-“

“They’re not my friends.”

“Your friends, teammates, whatever. Every time they tease me or make fun of me or make me feel stupid you don’t _fucking do anything_. You just sit there and let it happen You just watch.”

“I want to say something, I promise you I do. I just, I can’t.” Simon pursed his lips like he wanted to say something but he was holding back. “What? Don’t shake your head at me, you wanna say something. So just say it.”

“I ‘just can’t’.” Simon knew he was being unfair, but at this point he didn’t care anymore. He was beyond angry. He could tell Bram was getting upset too.

“Spit it out, Simon.”

“Do you wanna impress them or something?” Bram rolled his eyes. “‘Cause if that’s why you don’t say anything, I get it. They’re cool and popular and athletic and a stereotypical man’s wet dream. But you shouldn’t care if they like you so much.”

“I don’t.”

The blonde fiddled with the tissue paper in his hand, chewing on his bottom lip, “One of the few people you should care about liking you is _me_. Not them. I’m not gonna be sidetracked or left behind for—”

“Simon, that’s not it, okay! Sometimes I just can’t fucking speak. You of all people should know that.” Bram’s eyes darkened with anger and sadness. Simon’s throat felt tight. “ _I’m_ _sorry,_ okay? _I’m sorry_ I didn’t defend your honour and knock them out and then gallop away with you on a fucking horse into the sunset. _I’m sorry_ I didn’t cause a scene and bite the head off of people I have to deal with everyday for the rest of the school year. _I’m sorry_ they were treating you shitty. Alright? I’m fucking sorry.”

The school bell rang, and both boys stood staring at each other. Simon looked past Bram at the door, feeling a pit fall in his stomach. He didn’t like fighting with Bram, he hated it. They’ve never had a real fight before, but this was starting to feel too real. He wanted to break and just apologize and forget everything that had happened. But the hurt look on his boyfriend’s face told him this wasn’t going to be let go so easily. Why couldn’t Simon just keep his stupid mouth shut?

He opened his mouth to say he didn’t mean to blame Bram for how his teammates were acting, but when someone walked into the washroom, he stopped himself. The two boys just frowned at each other before Bram let out a heavy sigh, muttering how he was gonna be late for English. Instead of following him out the door, Simon’s feel stayed frozen to the floor. Tears welled up in his eyes again, but not out of humiliation.

Grabbing his backpack, Simon decided to skip English, opening his car door and sitting himself inside. He waited for the parking lot to clear out of the linger students, chewing down on his bottom lip. The second they were all inside and out of sight, the blonde let out a shaky breath before breaking down and crying.

~*~

“He was really mad, Abby. I’ve never seen him yell like that. Or at all actually.”

Simon played with the loose thread on his sweater, looking at Abby through his webcam on his laptop. It was now Thursday and he hadn’t seen Bram since their fight on Tuesday. Bram skipped English on Wednesday, and when Simon asked Garrett where he was, he said ‘Greenfeld is sick’. But Simon didn’t believe it. Abby pursed her lips, looking at the nails she was painting. She looked up at Simon.

“Have you tried calling him? Or texting?” Simon shook his head. “Simon.”

“I don’t know what to say!” Simon groaned, moving his laptop over to the side of his bed so he could lay down. “I wanna say I’m sorry. And that I was an idiot. A stupid fucking idiot. But…”

“But, what?”

The blonde bit down on his lip and fiddled with the glasses in his hand. “He hasn’t tried talking to me either. Don’t look at me like that, Abby.”

“Simon, not to sound too much like a teenager, but that’s so petty of you. I get that you want to not be in a fight anymore, but you shouldn’t always wait for him to make the first move—“

“I don’t always wait.”

“—Regardless of how you think it’ll turn out. If you want to stop being in a fight, get off that cute butt of yours and call your boyfriend. Now, I have to go. I need to start my history essay. Bye, I love you, Hope everything with you and your blue boy works out.” 

 _Blue boy._ That’s it.

After Simon said his goodbyes to Abby, he quickly sat up and opened his gmail account. Simon might not know what to say but Jacques might. Once his email was open he decided he might as well check the emails he had before writing his email to Bram. The one email he saw in his inbox made his insides twist with anxiety.

_I’m Yours_

_@_[ _bluegreen118@gmail.com_](mailto:bluegreen118@gmail.com)

Simon opens, bitting down on his lip.

_Dear Jacques,_

_I’ve been writing and rewriting this email ever since our whole blowout in the bathroom (knowing you, I’m probably gonna regret using those choice of words). I don’t know what came over me or why I snapped but the second I saw the hurt in your eyes my heart clenched and I regretted it. I’m sorry my teammates treat you so badly. I dunno if it’s you or because you’re gay or because they’re just assholes, but I’m sorry. I sometimes think I’m just too shy to speak up and say something. You know how I’m always so quiet. I thought about it yesterday, when I was sitting on the bleachers instead of being in English. And I realized you were right._

_I do want them to like me. I don’t know why and I hate that I do. Sometimes I think it’s because before, they all thought I was just one of the guys and then I came out and started dating you and I was still one of the guys but I became one of the guys on the outside. It’s not their fault, but it is. I shouldn’t be treated differently because of who I like. And neither should you. It hurts me to see you hurting. Seeing you cry and hearing your voice tremble made my stomach twist in a way that made me feel so nauseated I could have thrown up right then and there._

Simon stifled a laugh with a tight throat, running his fingers through his hair.

_I think my problem isn’t that I don’t know to defend you. Or that I wanna impress anyone. Sometimes I just think about how strong you are and how even though part of this year was so shit, you’re still so full of life and you’re so happy. But that isn’t fair of me to think. Just because you’re strong, it doesn’t mean you can’t hurt or be hurt. It doesn’t mean you can’t be upset. And I get that now. I also think my recent feelings about you have caused me to become closed off to you._

_I’m scared of liking you so much. I’m scared I like you so much it’ll kill us both. Because I do like you so much. Everything about is so perfect that I don’t even think I’m capable of just liking you. Like doesn’t even being to describe my feelings for you. Because, Simon, the feelings I have for you are way beyond the meaning of like._

_I love you, Simon Spier._

_I love the way you smile when someone compliments your acting or offers you oreos. I love the way your nose scrunches when you laugh and the way your eyes crinkle when you’re laughing too much. I love how defensive you get over the things you love and how you’ll do anything to protect the ones you love. I love your blonde hair, and your rainy sky grey eyes and the freckles that dance across your nose and cheeks with just the right lighting. I love how you can be so amusing and then so sensitive. I love your obsessions with Harry Potter and Elliot Smith. I love you so much that I can’t eat, or sleep or breathe without you. I am so wholeheartedly in love with you I can feel it from the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes._

_And I know, telling you in this email, isn’t the most romantic thing in the world, but this is us, my Jacques. It’s how we started. It’s the story of us. It just felt right to say it this way. I don’t always say what I feel outloud right then and there but I can tell you, right here, right now, that I love you. Nothing and no one will ever change that. I’m never leaving or sidetracking you._

_Because you’re mine. And I’m yours._

_Love [hopefully], your Blue._

Simon hadn’t realized he was crying until he felt a tear hit his hand holding his trackpad on his laptop. He couldn’t believe what he read. It was there and it was real, but it was all just too good to be true. It was all too much for him to believe it was real. But it was.

Bram loves him. Abraham Louis Greenfeld is _in love_ with Simon Irvin Spier. And Simon thinks he was in love with him too.

Wiping his cheeks and taking a deep breath, he dials Bram’s number, holding the phone to his ear. Bram picked up almost instantly. “Hi.” Simon hesitated for longer than he intended. “Simon? Are you th—?”

“I love you too.”

And Simon could hear Bram’s smile through the microphone. “I see you read the email.”

“I did. And I-I loved it and I love you. So much.”

Bram laughed, “You had to call me to tell me that?”

“Yes,” Simon sniffed, taking off his glasses. “Because you know how ugly I look when I cry. And I’m not about to confess my love for you with weepy eyes and a runny nose.”

Bram laughed again and Simon smiled at the sound. He _loved_ his laugh. He loved him. The two sat in a comfortable silence. They were both too busy, grinning like fools. _Lovesick_ fools. Simon sighed, looking back over at the email, cocking his head to the side. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“You just did, bug.” Silence. “But go ahead.”

“Why’d you call me, Jacques and then Simon? You know those mean the same thing, right? Or did you remember French is a Romance language and wanted to be extra sappy?”

He was met with silence for a minute before his boyfriend busted out laughing. It made him blush. “What?”

“I can’t believe you forgot!” Simon’s eyes widen. He’s an idiot.

“Wait! I remember now! Oh god, oh god, I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I— just, I wasn’t think and— stop _laughing at me_!”

It took a few minutes for Bram to completely stop laughing. Simon huffed, falling back onto his bed. He had to admit, listen to Bram laugh for that long was worth his embarrassment. It was sweet as sugar and it made Simon feel like he was on cloud nine. The two boys chatted for a bit longer, going over the assignment they had to brainstorm for English the next day. By the end of their phone call Simon had been smiling so much his cheeks were starting to ache. He was so madly in love it was sickening.

With a yawn and a shuffle from his end of the call, Bram mumbled, “Alright, it’s getting late. I think I’m gonna go take a shower and go to sleep.”

Simon nodded as if Bram could see him, rubbing his eyes. “Okay. Sleep well and make sure to actually come to class tomorrow.”

“I will if you do.” Simon promised he would. Bram paused for a moment. “I love you.

“I love you too.” Simon grinned before hanging up, sleeping with a smile the entire night.

After all, he was in love.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
